Boozy brides and slurpy singles

New research indicates that while marriage curbs men's drinking, it often results in women drinking more. A study from the Universityof Cincinnati showed that, on average, women drink more after heading down the aisle.

Conversely, while married women knock back the booze in an attempt to keep up with their men, husbands tend to drink less after tying the knot, calmed by their wives’ more moderate attitudes towards booze.

But although women's alcohol intake increases after marriage, husbands still drink proportionately more and reported higher levels of drink-related problems. And when relationships come to an end, men are more likely to hit the bottle, while long-term divorced or recently widowed women resume their restrained ways.

If you drink alcohol, do you drink more when you’re single or coupled up? Have you ever tried to ‘keep up’ with your partner or male friends? Do you tend to drink more when you’re happy and settled, or when you’re feeling a bit down in the dumps?

From past experience I would say that the amount I drink stays about the same. However, my drinking habits certainly change. When in a steady relationship I have tended to drink more frequently, but in smaller quantities, while single life has seen me drink less frequently but consume greater quantities in each sitting (or ‘dancing’, to be more accurate).

Although I’m ashamed to admit it, I’ve definitely experienced the pressure to play catch-up with male drinking partners; not consciously, but in an ‘I don’t want to be left behind’ kind of way. I’ve also had times when I’ve drunk far more than was good for me, which has had a number of knock-on effects (none of them desirable).

I think if you do drink, the key is to do so in moderation – a mojito or two with the girls; a beer when the football’s on (if you like that kind of thing); a film and a glass of red with your beloved. It shouldn't ever be about competing or keeping up!

The government recommends that women do not regularly exceed more than two or three units of alcohol (a 175ml glass of wine) in a day.

And British Medical Association (BMA) Ethics Committee chairman Michael Wilks points out that: "Saving up your weekly units so you can drink them all on a Friday night is not the way to interpret the government's advice." He adds: “If you're building up tolerance, that is a warning sign.”

It’s fairly well documented that alcohol can make you more susceptible to serious disease and mental health problems. It can affect your fertility and stop you from sleeping properly. It can also affect relationships, so if you are drinking more to keep up with your man, beware! It could all end in tears.

Last but not least, alcohol consumption affects your appearance. There are around 125 calories in a 175ml glass of wine and more than 500 in a bottle. A vodka and coke/gin and tonic is 120 calories, and you don't even want to think about the calorie count in cocktails. Drinking also affects the quality of your skin, makes you look bloated and can even cause you to smell funny!

So if you think you’re drinking too much or that someone you know is knocking back a little too much of the amber nectar, visit drinkaware.co.uk. It offers useful tips on how to cut back, and offers a handy diary so you can keep track of exactly what you are drinking.

Ephesians 5:18-20 says: “Don't drink too much wine. That cheapens your life. Drink the Spirit of God, huge draughts of him.

“Sing hymns instead of drinking songs! Sing songs from your heart to Christ. Sing praises over everything, any excuse for a song to God the Father in the name of our Master, Jesus Christ” (The Message version).

Read more from Joy in the next issue of Liberti magazine.

Matrimony or mate-ri-money… the choice is yours

Most of us are aware there are certain savings to be made if you’re married. While money may not buy you love, there is evidence to suggest a bit of romance could help to protect your pocket.

So should all singles be launching themselves into relationships in a bid to save a few pennies? Well perhaps not…

There are three important words to add to your vocabulary if you’re (young) free and single: MOSHing, mate-ri-money and FLAPers. MOSH stands for multiple occupant shared home and it happens when first-time buyers get together with other single friends to collectively buy a property.

Research from Future Poll indicates that 59% of singles who don't own a property say that doing so would greatly improve their quality of life and 30% have several friends they would consider buying a property with. According to the Government Office for Science, single-person households are projected to increase by 163,000 per year from 6.8 million in 2006 to 10.9 million in 2031.

The report also identified a new demographic in the UK described as FLAPers (financially liberated and positively single). Gone are the days of feeling left on the shelf; instead, people in the UK are looking for ways to live independently without ending up out of pocket. Those who see marriage as old-fashioned and unnecessary, for example, really seem to be embracing this new ‘financial friendship’ concept.

Future Poll found that 80% of singles believe friendships last longer than romantic relationships and more than one in four single people would go to their friends first if they needed money urgently.

But what if you’re already married? Well, there’s no need to call in a divorce lawyer! Being in a committed relationship can definitely save you money.

In general, couples are seen to be safer prospects for insurers – particularly car insurance companies – than their single counterparts. According to the Towers Watson Car Insurance Price Index.

Although this is set to change when new gender equality legislation takes effect in December, the average annual comprehensive car insurance policy currently costs £954 for a male driver, typically falling by £502 when a spouse is added. Deep down we all knew women were better drivers!

If that doesn’t send you rushing down the aisle, a new study from NS&I might just tip the balance. Its latest Savings Survey suggests Brits who are in a relationship save around £800 more each year than singletons. A fifth save at least £200 more per month; more than £2,400 over the course of a year. 

Relationships have the biggest effect on men's finances, with men saving an average of £85 more each month under their partner's influence compared with a £50 increase for women. Young men (aged 25-34) are most influenced by their partners, saving around £100 more. As many as 15% of women in relationships admit to being motivated to save more due to their partner's bad financial habits compared with 11% of men. 

John Prout, NS&I director, comments: "It is good to see that people in relationships are motivating one another to save significant sums of money. As well as helping each other save towards goals and providing more security in difficult times, these savings will make a difference for the bigger financial milestones that come during a relationship, like buying a home, or saving for life in retirement." 

Overall, the research seems to suggest that two heads (or wallets) are better than one; whether you decide to put a ring on it or not.

Read more from Joy in the next issue of Liberti magazine.

What legacy are you leaving?

In his first major speech as Prime Minister, David Cameron set out his Olympic legacy aspiration:

"Make sure the Olympics legacy lifts East London from being one of the poorest parts of the country to one that shares fully in the capital's growth and prosperity."

The word “legacy” was bandied about throughout the Olympic period and, on August 12, Sebastian Coe was appointed Olympics legacy ambassador.

Cameron told the BBC there was a "huge opportunity" to build the legacy for the Games. He said that Lord Coe had "done a brilliant job delivering the best Games ever" and added: "Now I want him to help me deliver the best Olympic legacy ever."

This got me thinking about the meaning of “legacy”. It often relates to money, and there's an element of this here, but surely there has to be more to it. Well according to dictionary.com, it means: “a gift of property, especially personal property, as money, by will; a bequest; anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor”. Think Steve Redgrave handing over the torch for the seven young athletes to light the cauldron at the Olympic Opening Ceremony.

Having just finished a full week helping out at a holiday Bible club, I’ve had this word at the back of my mind for a while. People are always complaining about kids today, but in many ways they are simply the product of the legacy we have created for them. 

If we are passing on negative thoughts, anger, bitterness and foul language, how exactly do we expect them to behave? It’s our job to leave them a legacy during our lifetimes that will last well after we are gone. And I’m not just talking about school sports fields (although I do think they’re important!)

The kids at the club were enthusiastic, intelligent and inspirational. It was an absolute privilege being able to spend time with them and to encourage them to follow their dreams.

But with the week over and these kids preparing to go back to school, I hope they’ve taken away principles that will set them up for the rest of their lives: how to overcome real hurdles, finish the race and pass on the baton. I hope they have new ideas about what life is all about and about fixing their eyes on Jesus; about working as part of a team rather than just looking out for themselves; and about how much God loves them.

I don’t know about the kids, but I’ve certainly come away with a new outlook on life and am determined to a) appreciate the legacy that has been left for me by others and b) to leave a legacy that will bless others in the years to come.

In 30 years’ time, the Olympics will be a fond but distant memory, but I hope these amazing kids will remember some of things they’ve learnt and will go on to develop their own ideas about who Jesus is and why they should follow him.

After all, Jesus was all about legacy. Okay, so in human terms he didn't leave a wife or child, a house, clothes, business or money. But what he did leave was far more important. Jesus left us his powerful word and teachings; he revealed who God is; he gave his life to allow us to be reconciled to the Father; he rose again to defeat death so that we could have eternal life; and he left us the Holy Spirit to guide, comfort and protect us. 

Romans 8:17 says: "And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God's glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering."

If all the seven- to eleven-year-olds in the UK are as amazing as the children we got to spend the week with, I think our nation can expect great things in the next few decades: things that are even greater than 65 hard-won medals. I’m excited about the legacy we're leaving!

Read more from Joy in the upcoming issue of Liberti magazine.

What does Jesus have to do with Shelly-Ann’s Olympic win?

Jamaican athlete Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce clinched an extremely close victory in the women’s 100 metre final on August 4. Her eyes were glued to the board after the race to see whether she or USA’s Carmelita Jeter would take the coveted gold.

Then, when her name appeared in the top spot, she fell to the ground and shouted, "Thank you, Jesus!"

As a Christian, I thought this was a remarkable reaction. I’ve seen athletes (and their trainers/parents/partners) happily taking credit for their success, but it’s rare to see such an open reference to faith on the world stage.

But wasn’t her success down to the early morning starts, the gruelling training sessions, the sacrifice of all things tasty and the mental determination to cross that finish line?

What could Jesus possibly have to do with it?

Well the apostle Paul famously talks about running “with patience the race that is set before us” (Hebrews 12:1). Now I think he was seeing the Christian life as a race, rather than entering the Grecian Games back in the day, but the basic principles are the same.

It might seem obvious, but Paul points out that if we’re not in it, we can’t win it: “Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. 

“And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. 

“Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air. But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified” (1 Corinthians 9:24-27).

So what are we ‘running for’?

To win the ultimate prize: fellowship with God on earth, and eternity with Him in heaven when this life comes to an end. “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus,” Paul says in Philippians 3:14.

But what if I’m not very ‘athletic’?

That’s ok, because Paul says: “I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13); moreover, we are at our best when we admit our weaknesses and allow God to come through for us (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Ok, so if God’s going to do all the work for us, can’t we just sit back and let it all happen?

Well, it’s important that we understand the rules and avoid being wrongfooted by technicalities. 

Is there anything worse than seeing an athlete booted out of a final because they haven’t followed the letter of the law? A life’s hope thrown away because of a moment of bad judgment?

Paul makes it clear that “An athlete is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules” (2 Timothy 2:5).

This doesn’t mean we have to be perfect; God’s grace is incredible and the price has been paid for all our sins – past, present and future. But following God’s rules (laid out in the Bible) is key to living a fulfilling Christian life.

“Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable” (1 Corinthians 9:25).

Whether we are athletes or not, we are expected to show endurance, perseverance and determination. We are called to keep our eyes on the prize (Jesus) wherever our ‘race’ take us. And we also need to give glory to God while we run, acknowledging that without Jesus, we could never finish our race or enjoy our everlasting reward.

Thanks to Shelly-Ann for reminding me that Jesus has everything to do with her (and my) victory. 

On a separate note, Shelly-Ann’s victory marked the 50th anniversary of Jamaica’s independence from Great Britain. On August 5, 1962, the Union Jack was lowered for the final time at National Stadium in Kingston. In a twist of fate, the Jamaican flag was raised in the UK on August 5, 2012 to commemorate her excellent achievement. It was also the day some guy called Usain Bolt clinched the men’s 100 metre gold. 

Fifty Shades of Grey: what’s all the fuss about?

Guest blog from Sophia Grace

With global sales running into tens of millions, Fifty Shades of Grey and its two sequels by EL James are not so much books as a publishing phenomenon. 

Why have these books been so successful?

For a start, they follow a tried and tested formula straight out of Mills & Boon: take one slightly clumsy, socially inept, plain and virginal girl and one cool, handsome, incredibly rich and powerful young man – put them together and eventually, despite trials and tribulations (you guessed it), it all works out.

The novelty in EL James’ books is a fairly explicit eroticism. This is of a very feminine kind: despite ‘gentle’ sadism and bondage being major themes there is little sense of genuine threat and the encounters are (rather tiresomely) always orgasmic. 

It is interesting that there are also limits to the sexual practices: the author is clearly aware of not just what turns women on but also what turns them off. The fact that these books were simultaneously published in digital format and can be bought and read in secret also helped to drive sales.  

The sexual nature of these books has aroused a storm of criticism in Christian circles and the eroticism is certainly problematic. Yet deciding where acceptable boundaries lie in this area is very difficult; after all, throughout history the Church has frequently found Song of Songs to be too hot to handle. Yet at the risk of sounding puritanical and even legalistic, I don’t think these are books for singles.

However, the issues of sex disguise deeper, more subtle and possibly more dangerous problems and they also present a challenge to women. These books are sheer fantasy; indeed there are Pixar cartoons that offer a greater sense of realism. The real world, dear readers, is not like this. 

If you are waiting for a similar Mr Right (did I mention his helicopter?) you may be waiting a very long time. Once more we get the myth that all you really need in a good relationship is lots and lots of sex. 

Another desperately dangerous idea is that sadism is pleasurable. Frankly, if any man starts to suggest that he’d like to tie you up and beat you, get out very quickly; possibly passing the local police station on the way home. There is also a disheartening materialism present throughout the books: a ‘possessions-pornography’ of things and brands that repeats another lie: that wealth and power are ultimately significant.

My biggest complaint, though, is simply that I find the theme of a woman’s submission to a dominant man  extraordinarily depressing. Is this where women’s rights have brought us? There is a tragic irony here that although some feminists have labelled Christianity as male-dominated and oppressive to women, what our post-Christian society is producing looks infinitely worse. These books fly in the face of everything that this magazine stands for: give me Liberti not bondage.

Have you read it? Tell us what you think. You can read more about this 'literary' phenomenon in the upcoming issue of Liberti magazine. 

Creating Space

I went to a ‘gathering’ last weekend. Organised by Spring Harvest and Sophia Network it was a meeting up of women from all kinds of backgrounds who want to see women released to be all that they were created to be. I took along two of my own little women who, as they played on the iPad and read Little House on the Prairie quietly in the corner, got to hear women talking about how we could help little girls, just like them and maybe older, to dream big dreams and fly.


There's been something buzzing around my head since I left:  We talked about making space for people, thought about how we can make sure that we don’t get so protective of our own positions that we don’t empower other women. We faced up to the fact that it can be hard to step aside and allow room for competition and were tasked with thinking in groups about how we can create pathways for those who come after us.



It was a crucial thing to discuss but, in my group it became apparent that some felt a constant tension in their life at work. Not knowing how to create space or whether they should step down from their role or go part time so someone else gets a chance. It’s been going round in my brain since.


I think it's really important to recognise potential in people and encourage it, to mentor that person and help them take opportunities, to make sure that we don't do things out of selfish ambition BUT I don't think that means everyone has to fall on their sword after a couple of years and retire early or change jobs so that other people get the chance.


I think that the whole thing about church - if that's what we're talking about - should be about creating new space - our aim, to coin a phrase, is expansion. That should need more leaders, not just a quick turn around.


I think that in all our talk about not being selfish with our space - which is totally correct - we must be careful we don't end up feeling guilty that we have a space in the first place. Jesus handed over his task to the disciples at 33 because he had finished. At 33 most of us are just starting. And he handed over to 12, not just because they weren't actually the son of God and it would take 12 of them to do what he did but because they had to go to the ends of the earth. They led until they died, but they appointed and annointed new leaders (male and female) as they grew the church. They created space through evangelism and the simple need for more leaders. 


So I think creating space is about creating vision - saying - what Tearfund, Spring Harvest, Schoolswork etc do is great, lets do more. Leading churches is great - lets start new ones, speaking on a platform is important - go to the ends of the earth and speak to people who have never heard the news before. It’s about seeing our role, not as the destination but as the springboard for new projects with new people. 

The crucial thing is enabling women to dare to have vision in the first place and the courage to see it through. We still have to challenge bad theology and traditions and I personally think quotas have a place, but throughout history, bold women have gone and done the things men told them they couldn't and they have done them so well people noticed.

As a brethren girl myself, I was struck by how many women in the room yesterday were from the same background - who had grown up being told they couldn't but who did it anyway. Let's raise a generation of bold women with big dreams and empower them to turn those dreams into reality.

Thirty is a dirty word

I have a secret to share, and it’s not something I’m particularly comfortable telling you… I turned 30 last Saturday (sssh!).

This was a milestone I have been dreading since I turned 20. No matter how many people tell you “you’re still young”, it is one of those defining moments in your life where you can’t help but look back and think about what you have (or haven’t) achieved.

My devastation peaked when a friend who turned 30 a day or two after me posted the following on Facebook: “In the last 10 years I've become a teacher, bought a house, got married and had 2 gorgeous little girls! Wonder what the next 10 years will bring????”


I realised with a horrible, sinking feeling that I haven’t done ANY of these things. I didn’t even own a car until earlier this year, let alone a house. I’m not married and the only pitter patter I can hear is the incessant raindrops on my bedroom window.

To compound my pain, I googled “things to do before you’re 30” to find out what else I should have done and haven’t.

I even resorted (horror of horrors) to reading a Daily Mail list of suggestions on the subject.

Interestingly, the whole list was about things women shouldn’t and mustn’t do once they hit 30.

From chewing gum to wearing above-the-knee skirts and texting, I felt at least 30 times worse after reading these rules. I took small comfort in the fact that I no longer bite my nails (well hardly ever) and don’t have any tattoos (mainly because I’m a wimp) – which were big no-nos on the list. 

After a short pity party (probably something else I’m not allowed to do now I’m 30), I decided to pull myself together and stop dwelling on these shallow, prescriptive rules. If there’s one things I’ve learnt in life it’s that the Daily Mail shouldn’t be your guidebook for life.

Okay, so I haven’t got a house and a family, but I’ve travelled, I’ve laughed, I’ve partied, I’ve cried with friends and I’ve loved, lost and loved again. I’ve worn some horrendous outfits and had a great time regardless. I’ve played chess with my 100-year-old granddad and managed to overlook his cheating ways. I’ve left the rat race to do something I love doing and I’ve met some truly incredible people along the way.

Even more importantly, though, I know that God has a perfect plan for my life; a plan to give me a hope AND a future. He doesn’t see me as a deteriorating 30-year-old with saggy knees (see Daily Mail list), but as a one-off designer piece that He himself knitted together in my mother’s womb.

I have gifts that no-one else on this earth has and am blessed to be able to walk hand-in-hand with Jesus every single day. 


So instead of looking back in horror at the mistakes I’ve made and opportunities I’ve missed, I’m looking ahead to a glorious future, on this earth and then in eternity.

In case you’re wondering, I will also be selecting the online newspapers I read much more carefully.