Body Image - through the eyes of a child...

I’ve just come back from delivering a workshop on body image at a local secondary school. I’m reminded again of how important it is that kids are given this information – in schools, at home and through the media. I'm delighted that Media Smart have developed an information pack for parents on the whole issue - it's a great resource and you can download it here.

The information kids are given – at school through their peers, at home through the things they hear their parents saying, often inadvertently about themselves, through the media both online, onscreen and in print – sets them an unattainable target for beauty. Adverts, TV programmes and even social media portray men and women in airbrushed, digitally enhanced perfection to the extent that young people no longer know what is real, but are left with the ‘knowledge’ that they don’t match up.

The result is a generation, probably now a second generation, of young people whose self-esteem is riding at an all-time low, and who are increasingly struggling with a range of eating disorders as a follow on to body dysmorphia. They have been taught that their value lies in their appearance, that achievement is about weight loss and that perfect hair is a thing to strive for.

I still find it astonishing to go into a classroom and realise how few children are aware that the images that they are bombarded with are not real – that so many are quite literally an artist’s creation – founded on reality but now the figment of someone’s imagination; a work of art, certainly, but not real.

I get great satisfaction from watching the students I work with develop an awareness; to see them begin to critically analyse the adverts I place before them, to hear them discuss and discover the messages in the advertisement, to dissect those messages and then reject them. I pray that they continue to develop these skills as they learn to filter the images that enter their psyche.

And I pray that mine will not be the last voice that encourages them to know that they are more than their body. I pray that as they return home, they find parents who can chat this through with them. Parents who will value their kindness, their intellect, their thoughtfulness, their skills, their humour, their patience, their tenacity, their stamina, their strength and their loyalty above their looks.

I’m a mum, I think my girls are gorgeous – there are days when I think they are so cute I could actually eat them. But this must never be the only praise I give them. I do tell them their hair is beautiful and that they look lovely in that outfit – but I also tell them how proud I am of their achievements.

I tell Meggie that I am blown away by her swimming, I spend hours chatting with Gem about the books she's reading. I tell Maddie that her creativity is a gift that she must cherish and Emmie knows how impressed we are that she is up at the stable in all weathers, mucking out and helping so that she can earn some time to actually ride. Amber could singlehandedly replace the entire Olympic Committee and still find time for fun, such is her skill for organisation. These are the things that make my kids unique; these are the things that I love about them; these are the things that I never want them to forget are important.

We influence the people in our lives by the things we say about them and about ourselves. When I talk about wanting to lose weight or complain that I feel fat I’m teaching my kids to look at themselves and wonder if they’re overweight too, like mummy. The thing is, my kids look at me and just see me. They don’t see the love handles or the cellulite or the sags – they just see mummy. They don’t see the ‘flaws’. When I disillusion them by pointing these things out I’m teaching them that they matter. I’m putting the thought into their minds that maybe there is something about them that’s not how it should.

Quite frankly I should keep quiet and allow myself a place where I am like Mary Poppins - practically perfect in every way! There aren't many people who think that about me, so while my children accept me just the way I am, I should enjoy it. Then, just maybe, it will enable them to grow up accepting themselves in the same way. 

Mirror image

Photo credit: MabMeddowsMercury

I’ve been thinking about mirrors a lot lately. That probably sounds pretty vain, but there are several reasons why the looking glass has become a recurring theme for me in recent weeks.

I can’t deny the fact that I’ve been spending some time standing in front of every mirror in my flat recently. Am I that good looking? I hear you ask. Well, no. The fact is, I just can’t stop checking out the ever-expanding abscess in my throat. It probably sounds a bit sinister, but I have to keep looking at it so I can figure out how this red lump of puss inside my mouth has completely taken over my life.

You think I’m exaggerating, but I can’t eat, sleep, talk, drink or swallow. At one point I stopped breathing and had to go to A&E. But although it’s excruciating and hideous-looking, I’m utterly fascinated by it. Maybe deep down I think that if I look at it long enough I’ll suss out how to regain the upper hand.

Mirrors cropped up again when I read a BBC news story about a new piece of technology that promises to revolutionise the way we shop. Basically, it’s a virtual mirror that takes a picture of you and then allows you to virtually ‘try on’ dozens of outfits in a matter of minutes.

No more taking 17 items into the changing room to find you can only try three at a time. No more pulling clothes on and off hangers and working up more of a sweat than you would on the treadmill! You’ll be able to try stuff you’d never normally consider and you can even send the images to your friends to get their feedback.

Having said this, the technology probably won’t become mainstream for some time, and it could end up breaking the bank with so many combinations at our fingertips. Most importantly, it’s bound to attract cubicles full of teenage girls sending pictures of themselves to everyone they know.

The next mirror element sprang to mind during the trial of Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson’s now infamous doctor. Although I didn’t really follow the case, I couldn’t avoid the influx of jokes about how “bad” Murray was, and what a “smooth criminal” he had been.

With mirrors already on my mind, I started reflecting (excuse the pun) on one of my favourite Jackson songs; no prizes for guessing which one. I realised I’d sung along to it hundreds of times without really thinking about the significance of the words.

I'm starting with the man in
the mirror,
I'm asking him to change
his ways.
And no message could have
been any clearer:
If you wanna make the world
a better place,
Take a look at yourself, and
then make a change.

Whatever you think about the king of pop himself, these are powerful words. It seems Michael spent his life struggling with ‘mirror fever’, consumed by self-image, narcissism and self-hatred.

I’ve stood in front of the mirror countless times and hated my reflection. But I’ve also been pleasantly surprised at by the way I looked on some occasions. I don’t like to admit it, but the way I look has a profound effect on my mood in the same way that my mood has the power to change the way I see myself.

“Man in the Mirror” asks us to examine not only our external blemishes, but our internal ones; to correct our own behaviours before setting the world to rights. This reminded me of a well-known Bible quotation:

“How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:4-5). I think this is the same point Jacko was making.

Then a Bible verse specifically about mirrors sprang to mind: “Anyone who listens to the Word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like” (James 1:23-24).

This is a call for us to act on what we read in the Bible rather than just sticking it back on the shelf. If you look in the mirror and feel confident about your appearance, but immediately forget what you saw when you leave the house, you’ll lose that confidence and look for it in other places. The Bible makes so much sense!

Anyway, you’re probably fed up with mirror analogies by now, so I’m off to check out my angry abscess once again. And maybe while I’m standing in front of the glass, I’ll be asking Him to change my ways. 

Read more from Joy in the upcoming edition of Liberti magazine.