The write road to recovery

I’ve been a bookworm since before I could read. I loved the look and feel of books, the smell of the pages and the world they transported me to while my nose was hidden between their leaves.

Not just content to read, I created my own narratives from an early age. 

Aged ten-and-a-half I wrote my first short story, which (in equal measure) delighted my teacher and terrified my mum with its ahead-of-my-years content.

Words continue to fascinate me and I recently penned my first novel… a children’s book (the content of which is probably still ahead of my years!) For me, writing is a hobby, a source of income and, at times, even a form of therapy.

The majority of my book was written while I had a severe throat infection. I had an abscess in my throat that prevented me from talking, swallowing, eating and drinking. I eventually ended up in A&E and was in so much pain I genuinely wanted to die: think tonsillitis and then times that by ten (or by a million if, like me, you’re prone to exaggeration).

Because the pain was worse first thing in the morning, I was too afraid to sleep, so for three days solid I kept myself awake and tried to take my mind off it. Writing my book was one of the only things that helped, and it was awesome that something good came out of something so horrendous. It needs redrafting now and although I’m hoping to avoid the throat lurgy this time round, it’s good to know there’s something I can do if it strikes again!

But it seems I’m not the only one to have spotted the link between physical trials and prosaic therapy. Writing in The Telegraph, Jessica Jones explains how Guillain Barré Syndrome rendered her totally paralysed at the age of 25. One day her toes felt numb, then a week later she was unable to move, breathe or speak.

Jessica’s mother, who sat faithfully by her hospital bedside throughout, read PG Wodehouse aloud to her, using different voices for each character. “Inside my waxen, immobile body I was aching with laughter. Those books were written with a lightness and sense of the absurd that helped me to find the funny side of my own predicament,” Jessica writes.

Although she had to relearn to walk, talk and write, she has never forgotten how listening to them helped her “to escape the terror and confusion of being paralysed”. And whether it was her illness or her new-found love for Wodehouse that got to her, Jessica decided to pen her own masterpiece.

The Elegant Art of Falling Apart has been described as “inspiring, unflinchingly honest, and even at times laugh out loud hilarious”. It not only documents this terrible paralysis, it also covers her battle with cancer and being dumped straight after. Like me, Jessica seems to have found comfort in both listening to books being read and writing her own.

Having said that, the book that brings me the greatest consolation in the world is the Bible. Why? Because it is true and it has all the answers. It doesn’t just act as a distraction (like a novel) or an opportunity to vent (like an autobiography). It is rich in meaning, in language and in the way it connects the soul as well as the mind.

Whether you’re a traditional book reader, a fan of the Kindle, or an audiobook/podcast kind of person, it is the only piece of literature that can transform your world. The Bible also constantly reminds me that however literary and creative I think I am, God is just a tiny bit better at it! 

Read more from Joy in the next issue of Liberti magazine.

How to fight domestic violence the peaceful way

According to The Independent, 19,000 women are forced from their homes by domestic violence each year (based on figures from 2008-09). Around 60% (11,300 victims) find shelter at a women's refuge.

Figures show more than 9,000 women took children with them as they fled their homes, with 190 mothers taking as many as five children with them.

However, around 40% of organisations working with victims of sexual and domestic abuse have had to make staff redundant over the last 12 months and 28% have cut essential services to keep refuge beds open.

The Independent claims funding from local authorities for domestic and sexual-abuse organisations dropped 31% from £7.8 million in 2010-11 to just £5.4 million in the last financial year. Sadly, 320 women turned away from refuges every day!

UK police receive a call about domestic violence every minute, and it is thought that less than 24% of domestic violence crime is actually reported.

The facts

1. Domestic violence accounts for between 16% and one quarter of all recorded violent crime
2. 45% women and 26% men experience at least one incident of inter-personal violence in their lifetimes; however, when there were more than four incidents, 89% of victims were women
3. 54% of UK rapes are committed by a woman’s current or former partner
4. Two women a week are killed by a male partner or former partner
5. At least 750,000 children a year witness domestic violence
6. Women are at greatest risk of homicide at the point of separation or after leaving a violent partner
7. 44% of abused women are victimised more than once, and 18% are victimised three or more times
8. Domestic violence and other abuse is the most prevalent cause of depression and other mental health difficulties in women
9. Domestic violence has been identified as a prime cause of miscarriage or still-birth
10. 20% of young men and 10% of young women think that abuse or violence against women is acceptable

If you’re among the 80% of young men or 90% of young women who don’t think domestic violence is ok, these statistics are pretty shocking. And if services are cut, fewer women will be able to leave homes where they and their children are in danger.

Many women stay in abusive relationships for years and only leave if they are in fear for their or their kids’ lives, so we should be doing all we can to encourage and support the victims of this horrible crime.

If you or someone you know has suffered at the hands of their partner, encourage them to contact Refuge or Women’s Aid, both of which can be reached 24/7 on 0808 2000 247. Alternatively, they or you can call the police on 999.

Ways you can help

You can donate money to Refuge online or on 020 7395 7713. The charity claims £10 can be used to secure a protection order against the perpetrator; £20 can provide women with an ‘emergency kit’ of basic toiletries and food; and £50 could pay for a psychologist to support two children who have come from an abusive home. If you don’t have the cash yourself, why not do some fundraising?

Alternatively, by buying goods via www.buy.at/refuge you can raise up to 12% commission on your purchases at online stores such as Amazon, Tesco, play.com, John Lewis and M&S. And using www.everyclick.com/refuge to search the internet will allow you to raise funds without you even knowing it! You can even make it your homepage.

Or you can sign up for payroll giving, where the donation comes out before tax is deducted from your earnings. This means that if you give £10 from your pay packet, it will only cost you £8.

Finally, if you have an hour or more a month to spare, you can volunteer. Visit the Working for Refuge page for paid job opportunities or email volunteering@refuge.org.uk.

Read more about issues affecting women in the next edition of Liberti magazine.

How to be an employee and a Christian at the same time

There has been endless debate about the separation of church and state, and it seems the dispute is spilling over into the workplace with increasing velocity.

Recent news reports have highlighted the general view that work is work, and faith is faith; that the two things must be mutually exclusive.

Whether that means not wearing a cross to work, or cutting out prayer before council meetings, it seems the workplace is gradually being deChristianised. (If that’s not a word it soon will be!)

The question that arises then is, should I carry on working as a closet Christian or give up my faith and just get on with my job? Well neither, obviously. But I do think it’s important that we live out what we believe carefully and without compromising who we are in Christ.

It’s hard to strike a balance between fitting in, getting the job done and being a super Christian. If you’ve managed it, please let me know the secret! But I personally believe it’s impossible (and undesirable) to leave our faith at home when we head into work. Faith isn't like a hat that you can choose to put on if there's a storm brewing (literal or metaphorical); it's on the inside of you... whether you like it or not!

Telling someone to stop being a Christian at work is like asking someone to separate themselves from their nationality/political beliefs/deep love of cheese. Being a Christian isn’t what we do on Sundays, it is who we are, and it informs (or at least it should inform) everything we do. I’m a Christian when I go to watch Liverpool play, when I’m having lunch with a friend or when I’m up to my neck in proofreading.

So should we be quoting the Bible every time a colleague asks us a question, or offering to lay hands on our colleagues at their first sniffle? I wouldn’t recommend it. 

I personally think it’s usually the small things that set us apart, like:
  

•  Being absolutely honest, even if it means we get into trouble or lose money as a result
• Taking a genuine interest in our workmates and praying for them – especially the difficult ones (you know who I’m talking about)
• Showing respect for the boss even if he or she is wrong/being unreasonable
• Refusing to engage in gossip (even if you really want to know what Delia said to Chelsea at the staff do)
• Inviting our colleagues to social events and building lasting relationships with them
• Forgiving people rather than bearing grudges
• Standing up for the things that are really important
• Respecting people of other faiths or no faith and welcoming open discussion about what you believe and why
• Maintaining a positive attitude. No one likes a grump!
• Having cake/chocolate/cookies on hand at all times

None of this is groundbreaking stuff, and you probably do these things without even thinking about it. But while wearing a cross might suggest you are a Christian (although to be fair every self-respecting gangsta rapper does this), living an upright, gracious life every day will prove that you are.

The best piece of advice I’ve been given when it comes to living out my faith at work is to start the morning with prayer and continue in this attitude throughout the day. It’s hard to get offended/offend others if we approach work with the same heart of humility and thankfulness with which we approach God.

Read more from Joy in the next issue of Liberti magazine.

Love is all around us

Following on from last week’s blog, I’d like to share some other nuggets from the Exceptional Women’s Conference.

In case you missed the last entry, the theme for the conference was LOVE, based on John 4:7, which says: “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God”.

Guest speaker Marion Meyers (senior pastor of The River Church in Devon) took two of the four main speaker spots at the event, which ran March 30-31.

I can’t say her teaching was exactly comfortable to listen to, but it was certainly relevant, poignant and incredibly powerful. At least, that’s how I felt about it.

Her first session was entitled “Looking for love in the wrong places”. She introduced the topic by explaining how she once took a play therapy course that talked about the concept of a ‘love tank’. In response to this, she told her two children that when they were hungry or thirsty, they had a little tank that mummy would fill when it was empty. In the same way, she told them they had a ‘love tank’ that she would fill with hugs any time they felt they needed love.

But she believes many women who grew up in homes where mum and/or dad were AWOL struggle to fill their ‘love tank’; many don’t even know how to do this. As a result, the tank gets broken and leaky; it never feels full enough.

This, Pastor Marion said, is something that God anticipated many moons ago. “For My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, and hewn themselves cisterns—broken cisterns that can hold no water” (Jeremiah 2:13).

But that’s just the bad news. She pointed out that God is too gracious and merciful to allow people to remain in this broken state. His response is to provide a fountain of living water that never runs dry and permanently quenches our thirst for love (John 4:7-19).

“My joy, peace and happiness do not rely on anyone else loving or being nice to me,” Pastor Marion commented. “When we are filled up with living water there is nothing more satisfying.”

Like the woman at the well with the six ‘husbands’, she claimed women who look for love in the wrong places will be constantly unhappy, vulnerable and tormented; and they will always struggle to comprehend the love of God. The solution, she said, is to practically come to know the love of Christ for ourselves.

Carrying on from her Friday session, Pastor Marion’s Saturday slot, entitled “Bad Love” began with Ephesians 3:17-19, which talks about being “rooted and grounded in love” and knowing “the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God”.

She played a clip from Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance”, which includes lyrics such as: “I want your ugly, I want your disease; I want your everything, as long as it's free; I want your love.”

As the song shows, some women would rather have bad love than no love, and this means we allow ourselves to make excuses for the people in our lives that treat us badly. “Love and bad can’t go in the same sentence!” Pastor Marion said. “Love is empowering and accepting; it wants you to fly! It doesn’t want to squeeze you into a box and keep you locked up.”

But Pastor Marion claimed that God is into “swapsies”; that he trades beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and the garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness. And that if people allow this to happen they will never thirst again. “If you can get loving yourself right you won’t put up with bad love,” she concluded.

As Solomon says in Proverbs 27:7: “A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb, but to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.”

Read more from Joy in the next edition of Liberti magazine.

Love is in the air

Last weekend I was almost literally blown away by everything that happened at the Exceptional Women’s Conference at my church (Carmel Christian Centre).

The theme was LOVE, based on John 4:7, which says: “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God”.

During the two-day conference, Pastor Michelle di Somma and guest speakers Yvonne Brooks and Marion Meyers unpicked what it means to love God, ourselves and our ‘neighbour’.


The teaching was too powerful not to share, so I’ll give you some titbits from Yvonne Brooks, first assistant pastor at the New Jerusalem Apostolic Church in Birmingham who, by the way, is absolutely hilarious.

If He can love me, I can

Pastor Yvonne’s first teaching session focused on the importance of loving ourselves. She explained that in Matthew 22:39, Jesus likens the second commandment – ‘You shall love your neighbour as yourself’ – to the first – ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind’. From this we can see how God presupposes that we already love ourselves.

“God, the king of heaven and earth, loves us!” she exclaims. “He has set his love upon us.”

According to Pastor Yvonne, we deflect our feelings onto others, making them appear ugly because we feel ugly ourselves. She joked that since she started loving herself, all the ugly people have disappeared! On a serious note, though, her advice was for all of us to go through our ‘emotional closets’; to face our ‘unlovable’ parts, deal with them and move on.

She drew attention to the fact that Matthew 19:19, Luke 10:27 and James 2:8 reiterate the importance of loving our neighbour as we love ourselves, adding that when scripture refers to something over and over again, it means that it’s a subject that is close to God’s heart. The Bible makes it abundantly clear that in order to love our neighbour we must first love ourselves.

“We need to see what God sees when He looks at us,” Pastor Yvonne says. “Satan will give you ten good reasons why you shouldn’t love yourself; he’s your enemy! But God has given us the victory again and again and again.” She claims that if we can just learn to love God, ourselves and our neighbour, all the other commandments will be taken care of!

“Neither do I condemn you”

Pastor Yvonne also took the final session on Saturday evening, basing it on the story of the woman caught in adultery (John 8). She reminded us how with one sentence – “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first” – Jesus silenced and disarmed the woman’s accusers.

If anybody could have judged, condemned and lectured, it was Jesus. But He didn’t even entertain the idea, and neither should we. “God won’t listen to anyone’s accusations about you,” she said reassuringly. “Now is the time of grace.”

According to Pastor Yvonne, Jesus came so the woman could be free, justified and live outside the shadow of her past. After coming face to face with Jesus it is very unlikely she went back to her old way of life, and neither should we, she concluded.

Loving myself isn’t something I had spent much time thinking about, but the teaching made it clear that it is one of God’s commands and that it is important to Him. It doesn’t mean we should be arrogant and think we are better than anyone else, it simply means that we should consider ourselves as our heavenly father does – with mercy, forgiveness and unconditional love.

Often we’re our own harshest critics, going over and over the mistakes we’ve made and continually condemning ourselves for them. For many of us it’s time to draw a line in the sand, and to allow God’s forgiveness to liberate us from sin and condemnation.

You can register now for the 2013 conference at www.exceptionalwomen.co.uk. 

Read more from Joy in the upcoming edition of Liberti magazine.

The best of the summer fests

If you’re a festival fanatic, you’ll be most disappointed to hear there’s no Glasto this year. But never fear, there are plenty of other live music events to liven up your summer.

Whether you prefer rock, indie, jazz, dance, pop or a good old mix, you’ll be sure to find something to keep you swaying in the sun.


Here are a few of Liberti's favourite Christian and secular fests:

Christian events

Greenbelt

Greenbelt has attracted some pretty big names from the music industry over the years including: U2, Moby, Goldie, Jamelia, The Proclaimers, Daniel Bedingfield, Amy Grant, Athlete, Sixpence None the Richer and Delirious?. Although it started out as a purely Christian music festival, Greenbelt is now attended by believers and non-believers alike – 21,000 of them in fact.

Geeky festival fact

Greenbelt was one of the main catalysts for the Jubilee 2000 movement, which called for the cancellation of third-world debt.

Date and venue

August 24-27 at Cheltenham Racecourse.

New Wine

Participants at this year’s New Wine event will include: J John, Danielle Strickland, Francis Chan, Rosie and Tim Bunn, Carl Beech and Maggie Ellis. Fantastic entertainment has been planned for Gems (0-2s), Pebbles (3-4s), Groundbreakers (5-7s), Rock Solid (8-9s) and Boulder Gangers (10-11s) and this year will see the launch of a new evening celebration venue for young adults.

Geeky festival fact

Among its other great resources, New Wine has its own on-site radio station to keep visitors up-to-date at all times.

Dates and venues

July 21 to July 27 at Royal Bath & West Showground, Shepton Mallet; July 28 to August 4 at Newark & Nottinghamshire County Showground, Newark; July 29 to August 4 at Royal Bath & West Showground, Shepton Mallet.

Soul Survivor

Soul Survivor is a five-day event that attracts around 28,000 visitors each year. It primarily targets teenagers and young adults, but it’s fun for grownups too. This year’s speakers will include: Suzie Brock, Gavin Calver, Jeannie Morgan and Patrick Regan.

Geeky festival fact

There is also a Midlands-based soul band called The Soul Survivors so make sure you don’t get them mixed up.

Dates and venues

July 27-31 at Stafford Showground; August 7-11 at Bath & West Showground; August 12-16 at Bath & West Showground.

Secular events

Bestival

Describing itself as a “boutique music festival”, this three-day event is a by-product of Rob da Bank's Sunday Best legacy. It’s more eclectic than some of its predecessors and is well known for its fancy dress themes, Bollywood Cocktail Bar and Hidden Disco.

Those who don’t fancy camping might prefer Bestival’s Tipi, Yurt or PodPad accommodation options.

Geeky festival fact

Organisers recently introduced a Breastival baby area for new mothers.

Date and venue

September 6-9 (ok, so it’s not strictly summer!) at Robin Hill Country Park, Isle of Wight.

Latitude

First held in 2006, Latitude is a relative newcomer in the festival arena. But what it lacks in history, it makes up for in fantastic music, theatre, art, comedy, cabaret, poetry, politics, dance and literature. Last year’s acts included Florence and the Machine, Ardal O'Hanlon, Simon Armitage, Vivienne Westwood, Pet Shop Boys, Kate Nash, Sigur Rós and Andrew Motion.

Geeky festival fact

Latitude is run by Festival Republic, which runs the Reading and Leeds festivals and is also contracted to run Glastonbury.

Date and venue

July 12-15 at Henham Park, Southwold, Suffolk.

Benicàssim

Our favourite overseas secular event takes place on Spain’s east coast between Valencia and Alicante. The weather is likely to be a bit more reliable than at UK festivals and if (in the unlikely event) you fancy a break from the music, you can head to the beach. Among the acts at last year’s fest were: Paolo Nutini, The Strokes, LeFreak, Bombay Bicycle Club, Mumford & Sons, Arctic Monkeys, Tinie Tempah  and a load of European acts I’ve never heard of but I’m sure are awesome. 

Geeky festival fact

The name “Benicàssim” comes from the Arabic for “sons of Qasim” (whoever the heck Qasim is).

Date and venue

July 12-15 in Benicàssim, Costa Azahar, Spain. 

Read more from Joy in the next issue of Liberti magazine.

Rising to the challenge is tougher than it sounds

So here we are on day 24 of Lent, and of the 40acts challenge. Last time I wrote about it, we were on day two, and I hadn’t actually fulfilled either of the tasks.

I’m afraid this was a pattern of things to come. Each day I open the email and think about how I’m going to carry out the acts. But then I invariably forget all about it once I open the next email. That’s not to say I haven’t done any of them, though. 

I’ve picked up litter (day 24), paid a visit (day 23), made someone smile (day 22), simplified by getting rid of unnecessary possessions (day 21), been polite on the road (day 20), loved my bags by reusing them (day 19), shared a joke (day 18), ‘wasted’ time with others (day 14), prayed (day 13), passed it forward (day 12), left my comfort zone (day 11), shopped locally (day 9) and nurtured myself by reading the Bible (day 6).

I haven’t necessarily done them in the right order or on the right day, but I’ve done them nonetheless. In fact, I’m trying to make a habit of most of them. They’re not just things to do once; they are patterns I want to build into my daily life. It will take discipline to do so, but who doesn’t want to be more considerate, generous, kind and friendly?   

But what about the tasks I’ve skipped over? Well those are the ones I struggled with as they require a bit more thought and preparation. I haven’t given up on them, it’s just a case of getting round to it. Here’s my plan of action:

Day 1 Create a giving jar. I’m ashamed to say I still haven’t done this. I will do it today, though, and empty everything I have in my purse into it (except my library card – I need that!).

Day 2 Cross a social divide. I probably have done this involuntarily, but I want to do it deliberately. I’ll keep you posted.

Day 3 Share your skill. I’ll need to find someone who is lacking one of the skills I have and devote an afternoon to teaching them. Watch this space.

Day 4. Grab a cuppa. I’m yet to buy an extra cuppa to share with a homeless person, and if I’m honest, I think I’ll struggle with this.

Day 5 Buy Fairtrade. I plan to do it purposefully by stocking up on choc and wine!

Day 7 Be spontaneous. This isn’t something I’m good at, but random acts of kindness/generosity are certainly an admirable aim.

Day 8 Donate your holiday. Any ideas of how I can give a day’s holiday to help someone out?

Day 10 Go screen-free. I’d much rather play a game/sit and chat than watch the box. I just need to find someone who feels the same!

Day 11 Send a thank you note. My granny is long overdue a thank you note for giving me her car. Shame on me.

Day 16 Organise a swap. This is at the bottom of the pile at the moment. I do have stuff to swap, but the word ‘organise’ puts me off – it’s really not my forte.

Day 17 Make an emergency kit. I have a first aid kit in my car, but I need to think of a kit I could put together to benefit someone in need.

It’s easy to avoid doing the tasks that seem to go against our natural strengths, but these are probably the ones we need to focus on the most. I’ll let you know how I get on – feel free to do the same in the comments below.

Read more from Joy in the next issue of Liberti magazine.