Porn: the new sex education for kids

When I was eleven, my most risqué pastime was reading a bit of Judy Blume. Now eleven is the average age at which children start watching porn. I’ll let you digest that for a second…

According to research recently presented at the London University's Institute of Education, more and more children are turning to pornography for information about sex because they’re not getting it from their parents or teachers.

The researchers involved, Maree Crabbe and David Corlett, said that most schools discourage honest discussion about sex and intimacy and that porn has subsequently become the country’s “most prominent sex educator”.

Worryingly, many kids believe that by watching porn they are learning what is “normal” in sexual contexts. So our kids are basing their ideas about sex acts on the adult videos they watch, many of which are extreme and even violent.

Experts fear young girls will develop warped ideas about how they should look and may start to perceive themselves as sex objects dedicated to servicing men. Boys, on the other hand, are likely to harbour unrealistic expectations about sex and may also pick up on the misogynistic attitudes represented in many porn films.

It is also believed that the “pornification” of British culture (Labour MP Diane Abbott’s words, not mine) has prompted a rise in the number of underage sexual encounters. It seems more children and teenagers are feeling under pressure to have sex, both as a way of keeping their “partners” happy, and of keeping up with their friends’ supposed exploits. Accessing pornographic material can also put girls at risk of strangers who are looking for teenagers to groom.

Imagine finding out your eleven-year-old is watching x-rated material to find out about sex! I don’t have any kids, but if I did I’d be tempted to place them under immediate house arrest, far far away from any porn-accessing device. But kids have an uncanny way of getting into everything they shouldn’t, and stifling them certainly won’t improve your relationship with them.

Here are my five tips to help you address these issues (feel free to add your own in the comments section below):

1. Monitor the sites they are visiting at home and encourage their friends’ parents to do the same
2. Contact your internet service provider to find out how to stop them accessing adult content
3. Keep computers in public areas, not in bedrooms
4. Be aware of changes in their behaviour such as jumpiness when you approach the computer
5. (Perhaps the hardest one of all.) Talk to them openly and honestly about sex, loving relationships, pregnancy, abortion, sexual predators, paedophiles, peer pressure, sexual violence, body image and anything else you can think of. Encourage them to ask questions and share their feelings and concerns with you

It’s important your kids know that you love them whatever happens, but that you care enough to want the best for them and to protect them. If you don’t think they are able to open up to you, then perhaps encourage them to talk to a youth pastor or someone else they (and you) trust.

Hormone-fuelled kids are bound to be curious about sex, but it’s important that they learn about it in a safe environment. We need to give them a meaningful understanding of sex and the god-given purpose it serves within a healthy relationship; to assure them that it isn’t a dirty or sinful act within the confines of a happy marriage.

Remember that they will pick up on your attitudes towards sexual intimacy and members of the opposite sex, so make sure you are feeding your thoughts and sexual appetites the right way.

Read more from Joy in the upcoming issue of Liberti magazine.