What do you go to church for?

I had lunch with a close friend this week and the conversation somehow wound its way round to church.

She’s taken a break from it for the last few years but is thinking about going back. There’s one thing stopping her though: she feels like a hypocrite.

She explained that she wouldn’t be going to turn back to God, but for the sense of community church life brings. Coming from a family where the door is always open to friends, she misses the social aspect and the values it teaches. But she feels a bit uncomfortable about the praise and worship side of things. And while her husband supports her in everything she does, he is worried church members will make her split up with him if she starts going.

I personally think she’d get a lot out of church, both from a social and a spiritual point of view, and it’s probably her own reticence that will act as the biggest obstacle to her enjoyment of church itself. I’m also 100% sure no-one would try to split up her marriage – it’s a God-ordained institution (and he’s lovely!).

Anyway, my problem with church is the complete opposite. It’s only when I’m worshipping God that I feel completely free. It’s the social side of things that I struggle with. I’ve been known to sneak in as the first song starts, sit alone at the back and sneak out as the invitation for tea and coffee goes out.

I’m horrible at small talk and blush embarrassingly when I feel awkward. I’m also bad at recognising people I’ve spoken to before, so I’m always wary of asking questions I should already know the answer to! What if someone asks me something and I don’t give a holy enough answer? What if they invite me to something when there’s football on?!

I have been working on this, and the friendship groups I’ve built up in various churches over the years have been incredible. But I still get incredibly nervous when I go to a church where I don’t know anyone.

Like last week…

I made it inside through a maze of doors and was confronted by a host of indistinguishable older ladies: similar shape, hairstyle, fashion sense, glasses. They were invariably named Phyllis, Ann, Joyce and Edna and were all immensely friendly (one even invited me to lunch after the service… but there was football on).

The service itself was fine, although there were a few awkward moments. Phyllis/Ann/Joyce/Edna did an exercise with the kids involving a map cut into pieces and ‘hidden’ around the room. This went horribly wrong when one little boy grabbed a pile and refused to bring them to the front. (Hilarious.)

Then we were split into small groups to pray for the church’s missionaries, something I’m used to, but is still a bit awkward if you’re a visitor. The mood was significantly lightened when another little boy broke free of his parents and started attacking the piano (and our ear drums). Stevie Wonder he was not.

Finally, a guest speaker approached the microphone. Now I’m not saying middle-aged, leather-jacket-wearing Cockneys can’t be good preachers… but this guy wasn’t. Moments of greatness were interspersed with loud and repetitive cries for us to “get desperate for Jesus”. And I’m pretty sure he offended some of the Anns and Ednas when he said he wanted to see some “life back in this place”.

I resisted the urge to run away immediately after the service – in fact I spoke to another Joy and a young couple, all of whom were lovely. But it’s still the social side of church that I struggle with the most.

Whatever it is that puts us off, though, there are so many advantages to church. We get to worship our Heavenly Father. We develop relationships that are more like family than some of our own families. And we can then collectively take the love of God into our communities; representing Jesus to those who would rather stick pins in their eyes than go to church.

Every church has imperfections, and many of us find aspects of church difficult. But after 29 years of going, I’m convinced the pros far outweigh the cons.

I’m definitely looking forward to being back at my own church this Sunday, though!