How to fight domestic violence the peaceful way

According to The Independent, 19,000 women are forced from their homes by domestic violence each year (based on figures from 2008-09). Around 60% (11,300 victims) find shelter at a women's refuge.

Figures show more than 9,000 women took children with them as they fled their homes, with 190 mothers taking as many as five children with them.

However, around 40% of organisations working with victims of sexual and domestic abuse have had to make staff redundant over the last 12 months and 28% have cut essential services to keep refuge beds open.

The Independent claims funding from local authorities for domestic and sexual-abuse organisations dropped 31% from £7.8 million in 2010-11 to just £5.4 million in the last financial year. Sadly, 320 women turned away from refuges every day!

UK police receive a call about domestic violence every minute, and it is thought that less than 24% of domestic violence crime is actually reported.

The facts

1. Domestic violence accounts for between 16% and one quarter of all recorded violent crime
2. 45% women and 26% men experience at least one incident of inter-personal violence in their lifetimes; however, when there were more than four incidents, 89% of victims were women
3. 54% of UK rapes are committed by a woman’s current or former partner
4. Two women a week are killed by a male partner or former partner
5. At least 750,000 children a year witness domestic violence
6. Women are at greatest risk of homicide at the point of separation or after leaving a violent partner
7. 44% of abused women are victimised more than once, and 18% are victimised three or more times
8. Domestic violence and other abuse is the most prevalent cause of depression and other mental health difficulties in women
9. Domestic violence has been identified as a prime cause of miscarriage or still-birth
10. 20% of young men and 10% of young women think that abuse or violence against women is acceptable

If you’re among the 80% of young men or 90% of young women who don’t think domestic violence is ok, these statistics are pretty shocking. And if services are cut, fewer women will be able to leave homes where they and their children are in danger.

Many women stay in abusive relationships for years and only leave if they are in fear for their or their kids’ lives, so we should be doing all we can to encourage and support the victims of this horrible crime.

If you or someone you know has suffered at the hands of their partner, encourage them to contact Refuge or Women’s Aid, both of which can be reached 24/7 on 0808 2000 247. Alternatively, they or you can call the police on 999.

Ways you can help

You can donate money to Refuge online or on 020 7395 7713. The charity claims £10 can be used to secure a protection order against the perpetrator; £20 can provide women with an ‘emergency kit’ of basic toiletries and food; and £50 could pay for a psychologist to support two children who have come from an abusive home. If you don’t have the cash yourself, why not do some fundraising?

Alternatively, by buying goods via www.buy.at/refuge you can raise up to 12% commission on your purchases at online stores such as Amazon, Tesco, play.com, John Lewis and M&S. And using www.everyclick.com/refuge to search the internet will allow you to raise funds without you even knowing it! You can even make it your homepage.

Or you can sign up for payroll giving, where the donation comes out before tax is deducted from your earnings. This means that if you give £10 from your pay packet, it will only cost you £8.

Finally, if you have an hour or more a month to spare, you can volunteer. Visit the Working for Refuge page for paid job opportunities or email volunteering@refuge.org.uk.

Read more about issues affecting women in the next edition of Liberti magazine.

How to be an employee and a Christian at the same time

There has been endless debate about the separation of church and state, and it seems the dispute is spilling over into the workplace with increasing velocity.

Recent news reports have highlighted the general view that work is work, and faith is faith; that the two things must be mutually exclusive.

Whether that means not wearing a cross to work, or cutting out prayer before council meetings, it seems the workplace is gradually being deChristianised. (If that’s not a word it soon will be!)

The question that arises then is, should I carry on working as a closet Christian or give up my faith and just get on with my job? Well neither, obviously. But I do think it’s important that we live out what we believe carefully and without compromising who we are in Christ.

It’s hard to strike a balance between fitting in, getting the job done and being a super Christian. If you’ve managed it, please let me know the secret! But I personally believe it’s impossible (and undesirable) to leave our faith at home when we head into work. Faith isn't like a hat that you can choose to put on if there's a storm brewing (literal or metaphorical); it's on the inside of you... whether you like it or not!

Telling someone to stop being a Christian at work is like asking someone to separate themselves from their nationality/political beliefs/deep love of cheese. Being a Christian isn’t what we do on Sundays, it is who we are, and it informs (or at least it should inform) everything we do. I’m a Christian when I go to watch Liverpool play, when I’m having lunch with a friend or when I’m up to my neck in proofreading.

So should we be quoting the Bible every time a colleague asks us a question, or offering to lay hands on our colleagues at their first sniffle? I wouldn’t recommend it. 

I personally think it’s usually the small things that set us apart, like:
  

•  Being absolutely honest, even if it means we get into trouble or lose money as a result
• Taking a genuine interest in our workmates and praying for them – especially the difficult ones (you know who I’m talking about)
• Showing respect for the boss even if he or she is wrong/being unreasonable
• Refusing to engage in gossip (even if you really want to know what Delia said to Chelsea at the staff do)
• Inviting our colleagues to social events and building lasting relationships with them
• Forgiving people rather than bearing grudges
• Standing up for the things that are really important
• Respecting people of other faiths or no faith and welcoming open discussion about what you believe and why
• Maintaining a positive attitude. No one likes a grump!
• Having cake/chocolate/cookies on hand at all times

None of this is groundbreaking stuff, and you probably do these things without even thinking about it. But while wearing a cross might suggest you are a Christian (although to be fair every self-respecting gangsta rapper does this), living an upright, gracious life every day will prove that you are.

The best piece of advice I’ve been given when it comes to living out my faith at work is to start the morning with prayer and continue in this attitude throughout the day. It’s hard to get offended/offend others if we approach work with the same heart of humility and thankfulness with which we approach God.

Read more from Joy in the next issue of Liberti magazine.

Love is all around us

Following on from last week’s blog, I’d like to share some other nuggets from the Exceptional Women’s Conference.

In case you missed the last entry, the theme for the conference was LOVE, based on John 4:7, which says: “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God”.

Guest speaker Marion Meyers (senior pastor of The River Church in Devon) took two of the four main speaker spots at the event, which ran March 30-31.

I can’t say her teaching was exactly comfortable to listen to, but it was certainly relevant, poignant and incredibly powerful. At least, that’s how I felt about it.

Her first session was entitled “Looking for love in the wrong places”. She introduced the topic by explaining how she once took a play therapy course that talked about the concept of a ‘love tank’. In response to this, she told her two children that when they were hungry or thirsty, they had a little tank that mummy would fill when it was empty. In the same way, she told them they had a ‘love tank’ that she would fill with hugs any time they felt they needed love.

But she believes many women who grew up in homes where mum and/or dad were AWOL struggle to fill their ‘love tank’; many don’t even know how to do this. As a result, the tank gets broken and leaky; it never feels full enough.

This, Pastor Marion said, is something that God anticipated many moons ago. “For My people have committed two evils: they have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, and hewn themselves cisterns—broken cisterns that can hold no water” (Jeremiah 2:13).

But that’s just the bad news. She pointed out that God is too gracious and merciful to allow people to remain in this broken state. His response is to provide a fountain of living water that never runs dry and permanently quenches our thirst for love (John 4:7-19).

“My joy, peace and happiness do not rely on anyone else loving or being nice to me,” Pastor Marion commented. “When we are filled up with living water there is nothing more satisfying.”

Like the woman at the well with the six ‘husbands’, she claimed women who look for love in the wrong places will be constantly unhappy, vulnerable and tormented; and they will always struggle to comprehend the love of God. The solution, she said, is to practically come to know the love of Christ for ourselves.

Carrying on from her Friday session, Pastor Marion’s Saturday slot, entitled “Bad Love” began with Ephesians 3:17-19, which talks about being “rooted and grounded in love” and knowing “the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God”.

She played a clip from Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance”, which includes lyrics such as: “I want your ugly, I want your disease; I want your everything, as long as it's free; I want your love.”

As the song shows, some women would rather have bad love than no love, and this means we allow ourselves to make excuses for the people in our lives that treat us badly. “Love and bad can’t go in the same sentence!” Pastor Marion said. “Love is empowering and accepting; it wants you to fly! It doesn’t want to squeeze you into a box and keep you locked up.”

But Pastor Marion claimed that God is into “swapsies”; that he trades beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and the garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness. And that if people allow this to happen they will never thirst again. “If you can get loving yourself right you won’t put up with bad love,” she concluded.

As Solomon says in Proverbs 27:7: “A satisfied soul loathes the honeycomb, but to a hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet.”

Read more from Joy in the next edition of Liberti magazine.

Love is in the air

Last weekend I was almost literally blown away by everything that happened at the Exceptional Women’s Conference at my church (Carmel Christian Centre).

The theme was LOVE, based on John 4:7, which says: “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God”.

During the two-day conference, Pastor Michelle di Somma and guest speakers Yvonne Brooks and Marion Meyers unpicked what it means to love God, ourselves and our ‘neighbour’.


The teaching was too powerful not to share, so I’ll give you some titbits from Yvonne Brooks, first assistant pastor at the New Jerusalem Apostolic Church in Birmingham who, by the way, is absolutely hilarious.

If He can love me, I can

Pastor Yvonne’s first teaching session focused on the importance of loving ourselves. She explained that in Matthew 22:39, Jesus likens the second commandment – ‘You shall love your neighbour as yourself’ – to the first – ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind’. From this we can see how God presupposes that we already love ourselves.

“God, the king of heaven and earth, loves us!” she exclaims. “He has set his love upon us.”

According to Pastor Yvonne, we deflect our feelings onto others, making them appear ugly because we feel ugly ourselves. She joked that since she started loving herself, all the ugly people have disappeared! On a serious note, though, her advice was for all of us to go through our ‘emotional closets’; to face our ‘unlovable’ parts, deal with them and move on.

She drew attention to the fact that Matthew 19:19, Luke 10:27 and James 2:8 reiterate the importance of loving our neighbour as we love ourselves, adding that when scripture refers to something over and over again, it means that it’s a subject that is close to God’s heart. The Bible makes it abundantly clear that in order to love our neighbour we must first love ourselves.

“We need to see what God sees when He looks at us,” Pastor Yvonne says. “Satan will give you ten good reasons why you shouldn’t love yourself; he’s your enemy! But God has given us the victory again and again and again.” She claims that if we can just learn to love God, ourselves and our neighbour, all the other commandments will be taken care of!

“Neither do I condemn you”

Pastor Yvonne also took the final session on Saturday evening, basing it on the story of the woman caught in adultery (John 8). She reminded us how with one sentence – “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first” – Jesus silenced and disarmed the woman’s accusers.

If anybody could have judged, condemned and lectured, it was Jesus. But He didn’t even entertain the idea, and neither should we. “God won’t listen to anyone’s accusations about you,” she said reassuringly. “Now is the time of grace.”

According to Pastor Yvonne, Jesus came so the woman could be free, justified and live outside the shadow of her past. After coming face to face with Jesus it is very unlikely she went back to her old way of life, and neither should we, she concluded.

Loving myself isn’t something I had spent much time thinking about, but the teaching made it clear that it is one of God’s commands and that it is important to Him. It doesn’t mean we should be arrogant and think we are better than anyone else, it simply means that we should consider ourselves as our heavenly father does – with mercy, forgiveness and unconditional love.

Often we’re our own harshest critics, going over and over the mistakes we’ve made and continually condemning ourselves for them. For many of us it’s time to draw a line in the sand, and to allow God’s forgiveness to liberate us from sin and condemnation.

You can register now for the 2013 conference at www.exceptionalwomen.co.uk. 

Read more from Joy in the upcoming edition of Liberti magazine.